Recently, there's this radio station which i listend to - they have this competition to win some tics to watch The Polar Express and also at the end the grand prize is an IBM thinkpad. After you choose btwn door 1 or 2, if you get the door which has Santa in it, you win the tics for 4 to watch the movie and also a chance at the win the ThinkPad but you need to tell in ONE WORD, what christmas means.
Last sunday marked the beginning of the new church calendar year. Its also marks Advent. The time we wait. The time we clear ourselves and mind of things that's holding us to this world. The time we ponder on what being a christian means. How have I been as a christian. What things of this world which are holding me and I need to let go.
When i first heard that radio station and their question. I was thinking. Alot of people would say joy, peace, blablaba. I realized that HOPE would be a better reason for christmas. WHY? coz hope would bring happiness to the poor - hope for a better christmas, hope to put food on the table. Hope for people in countries of war - that during this christmas time at least the war would cease even if its just for a minute. hope to know there is still a glimmer of light for humanitity after all humans has done - Destroying the beautiful earth God has given us. Destroying life when God has given us life. Trying to take over the role of God by doing human cloning.
Hope - I like it. It brings people's spirits high.
I know what I must give during this advent season. I need to ask God's grace in an area in life that I can't seem to let go.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Self interest
I am very disappointed yesterday after i handed in my resignation. I can't comprehend how some people can live with themselves.
I guess the meaning of respect has been miscontrue. People in high position always think that respect comes with position. But to me thats such an ancient thought. For me, no matter how high you are, you should think that respect comes with that. Respect comes with how you treat another person.
Belfong, i know that this is your favourite word.
Let me share with you. I have always been a person who abided rules even in primary and secondary school. Being a prefect in school for all those years - you're always looked at sometimes with respect , sometimes with hate. I guess that's with any position. You can't get the favours from everyone. I remember at one time, when I was about to be nominated as the Head of Prefects. I didn't want it. And there was another girl in school, who is pretty much a loud mouth and as a prefect she doesn't gain much favours. But anyways, she was nominated. I guess i have a group of prefects who still felt that I should be the head girl. So in a way, that girl felt it and one day she approached me and said this and that. I said, I have nothing to do with it. as you know I never wanted the position. I am contented being just a normal prefect. Anyways, she went around spreading things about me and some other people. Then she came to me and said that why did i say this and that i don't respect her. I told her this and I still remember very clearly what I said. I told her " You don't get respect just like that becoz you're a the head prefect, You EARN that respect" So actually what I was trying to tell her is that her behaviour does not reflect the behaviour of a head girl.
Funnily that same sentiment was playing in my head yesterday. I am still pretty upset about what happened yesterday. Yesterday I put in my resignation. As per stated in the offer letter, it only needed 24 hour notice. So I went to work and then gave my boss the letter in the morning. I explained to him that I have decided to move back to MNC environment. Then he didn't even bother to open the letter or take it. It was just left at the position at where it was placed by me. Then he said, since you have decided i dont' think I can change your mind therefore all the best.
Then 10 minutes later, the secretary came running to everyone who is officer and high rank and said there is to be a meeting at 9.10am. So I went to see HR and handed in my letter to the lady. She asked me how did your boss take it. I said , he didn't even bother to look at the letter nor open it. She was shocked.
But the shocking one is yet to come. AT the meeting after discussing other things, obviously he brought up the fact that I had resigned and with 24 hour notice. Then he said this "Mystic, this is the advice I have for you. You should always respect the person who has hired you and the org that has hired you. Eventhough its within your rights to resign with 24 hours but you should think that you should give us enough notice to find a replacement and to have a proper handover. If you thnk that since you're leaving anyway, you dont' care then you're heartless"
I was shocked with this. As when i handed him the letter he didn't bother to say anything. This was his revenge I guess. Then he added on saying he is a professiona,, work is work personal is personal. to me that's bullshit... As this just show that he took it personally. I said " Mr.T, I am not that sort of a person, I will hand over everything to SP before I leave and you know that" He just refused to acknowledge that and carry one talking. He added, I don't know what you're thinking or whats in your head but if you were to come in earlier and talk to me we could have worked something out.
I can tell you this, It was at the tip of my tongue to say this. HE DIDNTRESPECT EITHER. He thinks that respect some only in one form which is with THE position he HOLDS. Which is so wrong. I too am to be respected as an employee and as a human being. You could have very well told me when i saw you one to one but with vengence you toldthat infront of 20 other people. In his case he is just selfish. With his only interest to get his work done.
If in the event that the situation was the opposite and the policy states that only 24 hours notice is required to be given to each party, he would have done the same thing. With no compassion what so ever.
To me respect doesn't come wtih the position. You may get certain advantage with the position but respect doesn't come automatically. Respect comes when you treat another human being with dignity and courtesy. Thats what respect is.
In this work place I have seen an executive shouting at another clerk level person who reports to her. But why does she need to speak to the other person that way. Doesn' that person deserve the right to be spoken to properly. The clerk has feelings , emotions, she is HUMAN. I never believe in that.
I am sad that in such a short period of time, I have seen so much injustice in this place and it will not change. Coz we have people like MR.T that thinks RESPECT comes with position.
To me, You maybe the lowest ranked person on the whole universe. But if you have dignity and work with compassion and courtesy - you have my respect. I never shun a tea lady out becoz she works in the pantry. I talk to them, I joke with them. I know the parking attendant that works at my previous company. He tells me when there is a traffic jam or when its raining heavily to becareful. You see, if you treat people with diginity, you get respect automatically.
The world will not be a better place if people think that respect will get you places.
Sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.
I guess the meaning of respect has been miscontrue. People in high position always think that respect comes with position. But to me thats such an ancient thought. For me, no matter how high you are, you should think that respect comes with that. Respect comes with how you treat another person.
Belfong, i know that this is your favourite word.
Let me share with you. I have always been a person who abided rules even in primary and secondary school. Being a prefect in school for all those years - you're always looked at sometimes with respect , sometimes with hate. I guess that's with any position. You can't get the favours from everyone. I remember at one time, when I was about to be nominated as the Head of Prefects. I didn't want it. And there was another girl in school, who is pretty much a loud mouth and as a prefect she doesn't gain much favours. But anyways, she was nominated. I guess i have a group of prefects who still felt that I should be the head girl. So in a way, that girl felt it and one day she approached me and said this and that. I said, I have nothing to do with it. as you know I never wanted the position. I am contented being just a normal prefect. Anyways, she went around spreading things about me and some other people. Then she came to me and said that why did i say this and that i don't respect her. I told her this and I still remember very clearly what I said. I told her " You don't get respect just like that becoz you're a the head prefect, You EARN that respect" So actually what I was trying to tell her is that her behaviour does not reflect the behaviour of a head girl.
Funnily that same sentiment was playing in my head yesterday. I am still pretty upset about what happened yesterday. Yesterday I put in my resignation. As per stated in the offer letter, it only needed 24 hour notice. So I went to work and then gave my boss the letter in the morning. I explained to him that I have decided to move back to MNC environment. Then he didn't even bother to open the letter or take it. It was just left at the position at where it was placed by me. Then he said, since you have decided i dont' think I can change your mind therefore all the best.
Then 10 minutes later, the secretary came running to everyone who is officer and high rank and said there is to be a meeting at 9.10am. So I went to see HR and handed in my letter to the lady. She asked me how did your boss take it. I said , he didn't even bother to look at the letter nor open it. She was shocked.
But the shocking one is yet to come. AT the meeting after discussing other things, obviously he brought up the fact that I had resigned and with 24 hour notice. Then he said this "Mystic, this is the advice I have for you. You should always respect the person who has hired you and the org that has hired you. Eventhough its within your rights to resign with 24 hours but you should think that you should give us enough notice to find a replacement and to have a proper handover. If you thnk that since you're leaving anyway, you dont' care then you're heartless"
I was shocked with this. As when i handed him the letter he didn't bother to say anything. This was his revenge I guess. Then he added on saying he is a professiona,, work is work personal is personal. to me that's bullshit... As this just show that he took it personally. I said " Mr.T, I am not that sort of a person, I will hand over everything to SP before I leave and you know that" He just refused to acknowledge that and carry one talking. He added, I don't know what you're thinking or whats in your head but if you were to come in earlier and talk to me we could have worked something out.
I can tell you this, It was at the tip of my tongue to say this. HE DIDNTRESPECT EITHER. He thinks that respect some only in one form which is with THE position he HOLDS. Which is so wrong. I too am to be respected as an employee and as a human being. You could have very well told me when i saw you one to one but with vengence you toldthat infront of 20 other people. In his case he is just selfish. With his only interest to get his work done.
If in the event that the situation was the opposite and the policy states that only 24 hours notice is required to be given to each party, he would have done the same thing. With no compassion what so ever.
To me respect doesn't come wtih the position. You may get certain advantage with the position but respect doesn't come automatically. Respect comes when you treat another human being with dignity and courtesy. Thats what respect is.
In this work place I have seen an executive shouting at another clerk level person who reports to her. But why does she need to speak to the other person that way. Doesn' that person deserve the right to be spoken to properly. The clerk has feelings , emotions, she is HUMAN. I never believe in that.
I am sad that in such a short period of time, I have seen so much injustice in this place and it will not change. Coz we have people like MR.T that thinks RESPECT comes with position.
To me, You maybe the lowest ranked person on the whole universe. But if you have dignity and work with compassion and courtesy - you have my respect. I never shun a tea lady out becoz she works in the pantry. I talk to them, I joke with them. I know the parking attendant that works at my previous company. He tells me when there is a traffic jam or when its raining heavily to becareful. You see, if you treat people with diginity, you get respect automatically.
The world will not be a better place if people think that respect will get you places.
Sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.
Just another Friday
It was about 7.05am. I left home and went to fill up the gas tank for my car. After doing all that I headed to work. While driving suddenly, I saw this M gal standing right infront of my car and refuse to move. So I had to stop there for awhile. Then I decided to reverse my car and move to the next lane. While i was reversing and turning to the next lane she rushed over to my car trying to stand infront again. But the car was faster and I just drove on. It scary and the weirdest I have ever encountered so far in my life.
What more her mouth was moving the whole time when she stood infront of me. Mumbling what I dont' know. Scary if you ask me. Well maybe that jinked the whole resignation thingy.
What more her mouth was moving the whole time when she stood infront of me. Mumbling what I dont' know. Scary if you ask me. Well maybe that jinked the whole resignation thingy.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Ugly Malaysians...
Ugly Malaysians.... I first heard that term was during my secondary school days in my english class. Our english teacher brought us and article for us to discuss. It talks about all the ugly habits malaysian can have. And mind you its all true and you will feel "how can malaysians have such behaviors" well now its worse.
This morning i saw another article with the term ugly malaysians.
Well, I wouldn't say I am perfect but i sure cannot stand some of the behaviors of these ugly malaysians. Eg would be, if you travel in a plane, these ppl would ask for blanket and then when no one is looking , they slip that blanket into their bag, or the fork and spoon after they eat.. blabalba. You get the gist.
You know this is another habit i can't stand. We had training for 3 days, internal training but conducted by external consultant. So we have 2 breaks and 1 lunch break - all provided. Lunch is provided at the cafetaria and catered by the company's caterer and so is tea.
What I saw is really bad behavior. This even started on the first day itself. From my dept there are about 6 partipants. And this training is initiated by our dept but we have other depts attending as per our invitation. Gosh.. on the first day, during tea, while we were still standing at the area wehre they had food. I saw these two from my dept, one is bonnie mind you and another is a lady about 36 years old, they are packing the stuff into another plate to be taken to the others in the dept. Gosh what bad habit. and i purposely said, wow.. cleaned up the plate huh. Their faces changed but that didn't stop them.
If you thought that was bad, yesterday during lunch I witness something which is worse. As mentioned earlier, each is given a lunch coupon. So this same 36 year old woman, came to the cafetaria at the special section where we had the catered food and bringing her boss in too. Only with one coupon. The boss went to sit at the table, while she went to stack her plate to the brim and brought another extra plate to transfer the food for her boss. GOSH .... i can't believe it...
can you imagine... this is just half of what all the ugly habits that malaysians have.
Malaysians need to have a change of attitude....
or is this a universal asian culture. Its sad if it is...
This morning i saw another article with the term ugly malaysians.
Well, I wouldn't say I am perfect but i sure cannot stand some of the behaviors of these ugly malaysians. Eg would be, if you travel in a plane, these ppl would ask for blanket and then when no one is looking , they slip that blanket into their bag, or the fork and spoon after they eat.. blabalba. You get the gist.
You know this is another habit i can't stand. We had training for 3 days, internal training but conducted by external consultant. So we have 2 breaks and 1 lunch break - all provided. Lunch is provided at the cafetaria and catered by the company's caterer and so is tea.
What I saw is really bad behavior. This even started on the first day itself. From my dept there are about 6 partipants. And this training is initiated by our dept but we have other depts attending as per our invitation. Gosh.. on the first day, during tea, while we were still standing at the area wehre they had food. I saw these two from my dept, one is bonnie mind you and another is a lady about 36 years old, they are packing the stuff into another plate to be taken to the others in the dept. Gosh what bad habit. and i purposely said, wow.. cleaned up the plate huh. Their faces changed but that didn't stop them.
If you thought that was bad, yesterday during lunch I witness something which is worse. As mentioned earlier, each is given a lunch coupon. So this same 36 year old woman, came to the cafetaria at the special section where we had the catered food and bringing her boss in too. Only with one coupon. The boss went to sit at the table, while she went to stack her plate to the brim and brought another extra plate to transfer the food for her boss. GOSH .... i can't believe it...
can you imagine... this is just half of what all the ugly habits that malaysians have.
Malaysians need to have a change of attitude....
or is this a universal asian culture. Its sad if it is...
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
A Nobody
A nobody... have you had the come across your mind before? Well I have many many times.
Just recently i watched the cartoon - Shark Tale. There's this character in the cartoon movie that says, he is a nobody. He wanted to be a somebody. When i heard that, it just strike a chord.
I have wandered in this world feeling like a nobody. a NOBODY.
But then later the character realized, he had something when he was a nobody. But when he became somebody, he lost that something which he never realized he had when he was a nobody.
So being a nobody ain't that bad either huh. It's just the bloodee's worlds view that you need to be a somebody.
Just recently i watched the cartoon - Shark Tale. There's this character in the cartoon movie that says, he is a nobody. He wanted to be a somebody. When i heard that, it just strike a chord.
I have wandered in this world feeling like a nobody. a NOBODY.
But then later the character realized, he had something when he was a nobody. But when he became somebody, he lost that something which he never realized he had when he was a nobody.
So being a nobody ain't that bad either huh. It's just the bloodee's worlds view that you need to be a somebody.
My bonnie lies.....
okie, upon a friend's request, I am writing more about bonnie. For the benefit of others who doesn't want what bonnie means - well it just defines people who give u a hardtime at work.
Well bonnie has been in this work place for about a year plus now. Whats bonnie's problem. Well she just gets on to people's nerves. What way you may ask. Well in a mega mega way.
So, I have been only working here for the past 3.5 months. I still remember very clearly, the first few weeks at work. Basically she has an attitude problem. The way i see it, she thinks she is so smart and everyone is below her. Can't wait till the day she falls flat on her face.
I remember her insurbordination one day. And i was very pissed off after that incident. I called her into the room with another unit head which was involved in the situation too. Wow.. she raised her voiced during the session and trying to show she knows alot. I told her properly and said alot of things to her and she was pissed and the next day to just piss me off she took MC. Everyone knew that it was a fake MC. But what the heck. I am not bothered.
Bonnie i would say is technically inclined. But mind you, she only works with MSSQL and writes SQL statement. She thinks she is intelligent but i think there is another guy who is the same age and graduated the same time as her who is better. Only problem is, bonnie is very bold and she would just say things out right. The guy becoz of his poor communications skills, he shy off abit when it comes to expressing himself. So bonnie, is not that great in communications either but she thinks damn highly of herself. I dont' think bonnie will go far in life with her attitude like that. She doesn't RESPECT a single soul. She lies and i caught her a few times. But just like me i will say it and put it subtlely that she has no choice but to follow what i say :P
Alrighty , bonnie will be history in my life soon.. yahooooooooooo
Well bonnie has been in this work place for about a year plus now. Whats bonnie's problem. Well she just gets on to people's nerves. What way you may ask. Well in a mega mega way.
So, I have been only working here for the past 3.5 months. I still remember very clearly, the first few weeks at work. Basically she has an attitude problem. The way i see it, she thinks she is so smart and everyone is below her. Can't wait till the day she falls flat on her face.
I remember her insurbordination one day. And i was very pissed off after that incident. I called her into the room with another unit head which was involved in the situation too. Wow.. she raised her voiced during the session and trying to show she knows alot. I told her properly and said alot of things to her and she was pissed and the next day to just piss me off she took MC. Everyone knew that it was a fake MC. But what the heck. I am not bothered.
Bonnie i would say is technically inclined. But mind you, she only works with MSSQL and writes SQL statement. She thinks she is intelligent but i think there is another guy who is the same age and graduated the same time as her who is better. Only problem is, bonnie is very bold and she would just say things out right. The guy becoz of his poor communications skills, he shy off abit when it comes to expressing himself. So bonnie, is not that great in communications either but she thinks damn highly of herself. I dont' think bonnie will go far in life with her attitude like that. She doesn't RESPECT a single soul. She lies and i caught her a few times. But just like me i will say it and put it subtlely that she has no choice but to follow what i say :P
Alrighty , bonnie will be history in my life soon.. yahooooooooooo
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Culture
What is Culture. If I were to follow the definition given to me when I took sociology class at Uni, it would meant that a certain behavior and way of living of a community of people.
If you were to read the book , Tuesdays with Morrie, you will come across a section where he talks about culture. How morrie always tells the author, not to conform to culture. Dont' give in to culture. The culture that tells you, buy this and you will be better, use this and you'll be better. Interesting aint it?
Well, in sociology term , we will call these people deviant..... That got me thinking, in a way its good not to just follow a culture or a way of living. But going against it , isn't going to be easy. It will darn tiring if you ask me.
Like me, I don't gossip at work much. My moto is do work and then cut the crap and bullshit and finish and then be done with it. Some people get offended. like this to create this culture.. or rather the M culture where they just gossip, lepak wait for time to pass then pulang rumah. But after awhile hor.. you also get tired.
I dont' know, being deviant can be good but tiring. But then again, it takes guts to be a deviant to a certain culture.
I think alot, maybe thats why I like courses like Psychology, sociology, philosophy, organization behavior.. hmmm... maybe i should go into research :P
If you were to read the book , Tuesdays with Morrie, you will come across a section where he talks about culture. How morrie always tells the author, not to conform to culture. Dont' give in to culture. The culture that tells you, buy this and you will be better, use this and you'll be better. Interesting aint it?
Well, in sociology term , we will call these people deviant..... That got me thinking, in a way its good not to just follow a culture or a way of living. But going against it , isn't going to be easy. It will darn tiring if you ask me.
Like me, I don't gossip at work much. My moto is do work and then cut the crap and bullshit and finish and then be done with it. Some people get offended. like this to create this culture.. or rather the M culture where they just gossip, lepak wait for time to pass then pulang rumah. But after awhile hor.. you also get tired.
I dont' know, being deviant can be good but tiring. But then again, it takes guts to be a deviant to a certain culture.
I think alot, maybe thats why I like courses like Psychology, sociology, philosophy, organization behavior.. hmmm... maybe i should go into research :P
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Hope...
I read the Word among US - a daily meditation book. Its a Book that has the bible readings and then a write up regarding the readings for the day. It also has nice miracle and inspirational stories. It makes me feel good to read them. Of course sometimes, the message can be quite harsh too.
Today in the reflection area, there was this sentence " Hope is faith directed to the future. Its faith acting on and trusting in the promises God has made. "
Its good to have hope. But isn't it the word of this world that being too hopeful sometimes just brings more disappointments? I dont' know but I sure want to have hope.
I am already fighting with having faith. So is hope easier to embrace?
I am struggling to leave everything at His feet and just have peace in me. Yesterday, I was so worried. I am to move out this Sat and then so many things crop up. The lorry is too small lah, the lorry is senget lah. Now have to source for another lorry. At this festive period, where can get one so easily. I pray. I want to lift it up to Him. But at the moment I will say it but in a matter of few couple of minutes later, the negative thoughts floods back. So how ...?
Today in the reflection area, there was this sentence " Hope is faith directed to the future. Its faith acting on and trusting in the promises God has made. "
Its good to have hope. But isn't it the word of this world that being too hopeful sometimes just brings more disappointments? I dont' know but I sure want to have hope.
I am already fighting with having faith. So is hope easier to embrace?
I am struggling to leave everything at His feet and just have peace in me. Yesterday, I was so worried. I am to move out this Sat and then so many things crop up. The lorry is too small lah, the lorry is senget lah. Now have to source for another lorry. At this festive period, where can get one so easily. I pray. I want to lift it up to Him. But at the moment I will say it but in a matter of few couple of minutes later, the negative thoughts floods back. So how ...?
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Local Artist
Okay, I have to admit that I have never thought very highly of local artist. Be it Singers or actors, etc. I mean if you really looked at the type of films they actually produced... can faint. Well, I have to admit long long ago, when there was this man called P. Ramlee. It was different then. His shows were funny and heart warming. Those are what I called true film. These days it just sucks. I mean there are a few in btwn that deserve applause. But they hardly come by.
Recently, I came across this article about this song writer named Juwita Suwito. My first instinct was aiyah, she probably only writes thos M songs you know. But then I read in the Herald about her first album and its in ENGLISH!!. So i decided to go to the music store to get one. Oh Boy! Little did I know that finding her alblum was really a trying experience. I went to so many music shops but they didn't carry her album. I finally found the album. WOW - what can I say... Her voice is beautiful. And For a local artist.. she is good...
So maybe I should be making judgments too much about these local artist. Maybe just maybe they actually do have strong talent within them.. :) I have to stop being so critical aye?
Recently, I came across this article about this song writer named Juwita Suwito. My first instinct was aiyah, she probably only writes thos M songs you know. But then I read in the Herald about her first album and its in ENGLISH!!. So i decided to go to the music store to get one. Oh Boy! Little did I know that finding her alblum was really a trying experience. I went to so many music shops but they didn't carry her album. I finally found the album. WOW - what can I say... Her voice is beautiful. And For a local artist.. she is good...
So maybe I should be making judgments too much about these local artist. Maybe just maybe they actually do have strong talent within them.. :) I have to stop being so critical aye?
Friday, November 12, 2004
Tuesdays with Morrie
Tuesdays With Morrie.....
I started reading this book called Tuesdays for Morrie yesterday. Its by this Author named Mitch Albom. How did i first come to know about this book. Well I was at this book rental place and I saw this brand new book on the shelf, The 5 people i meet in heaven - and intrigued by the title, I borrowed the book and read it. Pretty Good, certain paragraphs I don't quite get it. But overall its interesting look on what heaven is like according to the interpretation of the author. Then I was looking forward to reading this first book called Tuesdays with Morrie. Well I wasn't sure if it was good and was trying to see wheter i could actually borrow it. But the book was constantly out. hmmm.. Then on sunday my sister managed to borrow a copy.
I started reading yesterday but I am almost half way through the book. As usual, like my brother used to say, I am a fast reader and its a waste of money buying books in my case. :) But then, I think this book is really really good. I would need to re-read again to let it really register. It touches my core. It home in alot of aspects.
Some of of fears in life is addressed. As some of the people who knows me might alread know. Its been a couple of years now that I try to figure about what my life is about. My purpose. Is money that important. My Fear of Aging. Growing old. There was time when I was around 28 and I dreaded hitting 30... its like a mandatory death sentence for me. But now I am over that threshold, things seems to be still the same. Just that my biological clock is ticking. Of course I also have this attacks of fears - I don't deny it. But has happen more often now than before.
I wish I had a teacher like Morrie. To talk to me, to push me in the right direction. To help me discover my passion,my talent, my gift in order to walk with earth with more ease and pleasure.
Being my 30s now, I am still afraid of what tomorrow might bring. What if do not have enough money. What if at that time, i have no family to take care of me. All these fears!!!! I need a teacher...an interactive one.
I think religion and God is able to give that direction. But at times I crave to have the interactive session where I can ask and will get an instantaneous answer. Asking for too much.... hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
I started reading this book called Tuesdays for Morrie yesterday. Its by this Author named Mitch Albom. How did i first come to know about this book. Well I was at this book rental place and I saw this brand new book on the shelf, The 5 people i meet in heaven - and intrigued by the title, I borrowed the book and read it. Pretty Good, certain paragraphs I don't quite get it. But overall its interesting look on what heaven is like according to the interpretation of the author. Then I was looking forward to reading this first book called Tuesdays with Morrie. Well I wasn't sure if it was good and was trying to see wheter i could actually borrow it. But the book was constantly out. hmmm.. Then on sunday my sister managed to borrow a copy.
I started reading yesterday but I am almost half way through the book. As usual, like my brother used to say, I am a fast reader and its a waste of money buying books in my case. :) But then, I think this book is really really good. I would need to re-read again to let it really register. It touches my core. It home in alot of aspects.
Some of of fears in life is addressed. As some of the people who knows me might alread know. Its been a couple of years now that I try to figure about what my life is about. My purpose. Is money that important. My Fear of Aging. Growing old. There was time when I was around 28 and I dreaded hitting 30... its like a mandatory death sentence for me. But now I am over that threshold, things seems to be still the same. Just that my biological clock is ticking. Of course I also have this attacks of fears - I don't deny it. But has happen more often now than before.
I wish I had a teacher like Morrie. To talk to me, to push me in the right direction. To help me discover my passion,my talent, my gift in order to walk with earth with more ease and pleasure.
Being my 30s now, I am still afraid of what tomorrow might bring. What if do not have enough money. What if at that time, i have no family to take care of me. All these fears!!!! I need a teacher...an interactive one.
I think religion and God is able to give that direction. But at times I crave to have the interactive session where I can ask and will get an instantaneous answer. Asking for too much.... hmmmmmmmmmmmm...
Monday, November 01, 2004
Looking back....
Looking Back…
Its almost the end of the year now, 2 months before the year officially ends. Looking back, this year has been such a traumatic year for me yet.
I have deemed my life as not meaningful. I have always felt that I haven’t achieved much in life. And often wondered where is my place here on this planet called earth.
I was trying to think back to all the events that happened to me this year and to my surprise this has been the most eventful year of my life. Both with experience that I would never forget and also sadness which I wished I never had to go through. But such is life; bitter sweet. Some say bitter sweet is good, it gives a way to know both what bitter and sweet is like so we can appreciate each more.
Let’s start with Jan. This month still plays clearly in my mind. Almost haunting. This was the month that I saw two of my colleagues receive the letter and their redundancy package. And I received the letter of transfer to another department. All the trauma and the fear still stick to my mind – as though it just happened yesterday. I wish I didn’t have to go through that. But it was the time, that I was forced to move from being complacent to change. Its tough. I still hate my ex SD for doing this to us.
That was the beginning of the most shitful year for me. Things just couldn’t settle. Even though when I was at good old O, I was constantly complaining but when I forced to leave, I felt a sense of lost. Not only in terms of the feelings I have in my heart but I felt like I had no direction and no purpose. Silly you might say. But I just couldn’t adapt. Its true they say, its better the devil you know.
This was the year, that I moved job the most times than I can remember. Sigh… I can’t believe it, makes me wonder now, what am I looking for.
This is also the year that I lost a family member. The wound is still so raw that even by just thinking about her , bring tears to my eyes. It brings back all the guilt, the feelings of all the things that I could have done better for her but in which I didn’t. I wish I had been kinder. Maybe this to serve as a lesson learnt. We have to vigilant, as do not know when the time will come.
This year too, I have had visions like I never had before. I don’t even trust myself to believe it sometimes. But I believe I couldn’t have imagined all these things. Starting with the vision of Mother Mary placing the sign of cross on my forehead at the hotel in Penang and then more during Sarah’s funeral.
This year too, I found that I have never been so broken. I found and acknowledge that I am no one if I do not get HIS help. The year , which I finally questioned myself more and more. Learning to trust HIM more. Its hard. I am still learning each day to let go and I pray that with HIS Grace and Mercy I will be able to eventually.
This is also the year, I felt I lost myself most, drifting in this sea… alone. Helpless. Asking for help…. Confiding more in people more than I ever did before.
This is the year, I know I won’t forget…. This is the year that I hope will be turning in my life and the journey to an eventual change for something better……
Dear Year 2004, the year that brought me change, forced me to move, forced me to seek, brought me sadness and realization. I thank You for a eventful year….
Its almost the end of the year now, 2 months before the year officially ends. Looking back, this year has been such a traumatic year for me yet.
I have deemed my life as not meaningful. I have always felt that I haven’t achieved much in life. And often wondered where is my place here on this planet called earth.
I was trying to think back to all the events that happened to me this year and to my surprise this has been the most eventful year of my life. Both with experience that I would never forget and also sadness which I wished I never had to go through. But such is life; bitter sweet. Some say bitter sweet is good, it gives a way to know both what bitter and sweet is like so we can appreciate each more.
Let’s start with Jan. This month still plays clearly in my mind. Almost haunting. This was the month that I saw two of my colleagues receive the letter and their redundancy package. And I received the letter of transfer to another department. All the trauma and the fear still stick to my mind – as though it just happened yesterday. I wish I didn’t have to go through that. But it was the time, that I was forced to move from being complacent to change. Its tough. I still hate my ex SD for doing this to us.
That was the beginning of the most shitful year for me. Things just couldn’t settle. Even though when I was at good old O, I was constantly complaining but when I forced to leave, I felt a sense of lost. Not only in terms of the feelings I have in my heart but I felt like I had no direction and no purpose. Silly you might say. But I just couldn’t adapt. Its true they say, its better the devil you know.
This was the year, that I moved job the most times than I can remember. Sigh… I can’t believe it, makes me wonder now, what am I looking for.
This is also the year that I lost a family member. The wound is still so raw that even by just thinking about her , bring tears to my eyes. It brings back all the guilt, the feelings of all the things that I could have done better for her but in which I didn’t. I wish I had been kinder. Maybe this to serve as a lesson learnt. We have to vigilant, as do not know when the time will come.
This year too, I have had visions like I never had before. I don’t even trust myself to believe it sometimes. But I believe I couldn’t have imagined all these things. Starting with the vision of Mother Mary placing the sign of cross on my forehead at the hotel in Penang and then more during Sarah’s funeral.
This year too, I found that I have never been so broken. I found and acknowledge that I am no one if I do not get HIS help. The year , which I finally questioned myself more and more. Learning to trust HIM more. Its hard. I am still learning each day to let go and I pray that with HIS Grace and Mercy I will be able to eventually.
This is also the year, I felt I lost myself most, drifting in this sea… alone. Helpless. Asking for help…. Confiding more in people more than I ever did before.
This is the year, I know I won’t forget…. This is the year that I hope will be turning in my life and the journey to an eventual change for something better……
Dear Year 2004, the year that brought me change, forced me to move, forced me to seek, brought me sadness and realization. I thank You for a eventful year….
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)